Why This Is So Wrong!!
We Didn't Make It
What did we think when we first saw this video?!? It was "Jesus, that is soooo wrong!" We would never have made a video like that. It looks nothing like Jesus!
Le'Chaim
Time to grab your JPod and drop some tunes at your Passover meal. Forget Sinbad and rock out to Chabad as he kicks it to "Purim."
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Easter .vs Passover - The Battle For The Holy Land
From Old Testament days
there were sacrifices to God which involved some sort of yummy
fatted calf cooked medium well with usually yams and a water,
Just how Yahweh liked it! Suddenly, the New Testament rolls
into town and the sacrifices disappear in a big buildup to to the
Last Supper. (Take notice of how food plays such a critical role in The Good Book) We've gathered Jahovahs, Gentiles,
Jews, Samaritans, Sumarians, rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty
hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers,
snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers,
bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank
robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodist as witness to the the yummy biblical beef and holy ham that nearly made the Bible God's greatest cookbook.
OLD TESTAMENT -
The Ten Condiments
The Lord's Sauces: 1. Ketchup 2. Mustard 3. Salsa (THAT'S RIGHT!! For The
Unleavened Taco's) 4. Salad Dressing 5. Mayo (None of That Miracle Whip Shit or
Leprosy For Sure!!!) 6. Butter 7. Barbeque Sauce (Amen!) 8. Relish 9. Tabasco Sauce 10.Sour Cream
NEW TESTAMENT - The Lamb of God
This holy hogget is something to savor. We all know about holy cow, but this spiritual hunk of loin provides
fulfillment of the soul! So it's time to stuff your face on this sacrificial shank, praise the Lord and pass the potatoes cause this
future sweater is gonna take away the sins of the world...
"BEHOLD THE LAMB OF GOD." -JOHN 1:36
"BEHOLD THE LAMB OF GOD." EMERIL 12:32 PM
INGREDIENTS: 1 Full Rack of Lamb Olive Oil, As Needed 2 Tablespoons Rosemary,
Chopped 2 Tablespoons Thyme, Chopped Salt and Pepper to
Taste 1 Cup Red Wine 3 Garlic Cloves,
Chopped 1 Tablespoon Butter Preparation: Make sure your butcher has removed the chine
bone from the rack. Most do but double-check. The chine bone is
part of the spine and if not removed you will be unable to cut
the roast into individual chops. Trim some of the excess fat
from the rack but don’t overdo it. You need some fat to
naturally baste the meat while it cooks and furnish some
drippings to make a sauce. Lightly brush the rack with olive
oil. Then sprinkle both sides with half of the rosemary and
thyme, and salt and pepper. Place the rack in a roasting pan,
preferably with a grate on the bottom, and then into a preheated
375 degree oven. The next thing people often ask is how
long to cook it. Forget time. Cook by temperature. Remove the
lamb when a thermometer placed dead center in the meat reads 125
degrees for rare, 130° for medium rare and 135° for medium.
When the roast is finished, place it on a
serving plate and cover it with aluminum foil. Roasts need to
rest after cooking so the meat will re-absorb its juices. If you
cut them immediately after cooking all of the juices will run
out. The foil will keep it warm while you make the sauce. For the sauce, place the roasting pan on top
of the stove and turn the burner on high. Pour in the wine,
bring to a boil and deglaze the pan, scraping the browned bits
off the bottom. Add the remaining rosemary and thyme, garlic,
and salt and pepper. Reduce the sauce to at least half, add the
butter at the end, and then strain it. Carve the roast into
individual chops and pour the sauce over them. For a delicious
variation, you can substitute homemade beef or veal stock for
the wine, or better yet, use a combination of stock and wine.
Finally, I can think of no better wine to go
with lamb than Bordeaux. Lamb is a hearty meat and needs a full
bodied and equally strong wine to complement it. Get the best
quality and longest aged Bordeaux you can afford. Bordeaux is a
blend of predominantly cabernet sauvignon and merlot from the
Bordeaux region of France. If you prefer Californian, then
select a high quality, full bodied cabernet sauvignon. Use the
same type of wine for cooking and drinking. Simply employ an
inexpensive one for the purpose of the sauce.
OLD TESTAMENT - Cain's "Club Abel" Sandwich
After a hard day of beating your brother to bloody death, it's time to re-energize with some power packed protein. Are you your brothers keeper? Hell no! So get on up, wipe the blood stains from your face and let's start chowin' down on this tubular tote of meats! Unfortunately for you, ya might have to wonder the lands, marry your sister and continue to grow the population (which might explain much of the mental disorders) all while on an empty stomach, unless you are properly prepared! So get ready to head back to Eden on the great taste coaster and get a big taste of creation for yourself! Directions I really want to know if you need directions?? I mean really - you have to have made a sandwich at some point in your life!! Just shovel it on that bread and chow down
Pope-Tarts
It's the holiest tart we know.... Not since Pope Pie I
have we had such heavenly filling in a baked treat! Behind
the secret walls of the Vatican the College of Cardinals sampled
thousands of fancy feasts so that one might be chosen to feed
the church through the new century. The holy fillings of
preservatives will enlighten the soul while its sweet exterior
of preservatives absolve you of your sins.
4 Cups of Flour 1&3/4 Cups Vegetable Shortening 2 Tablespoons Sugar 1 Teaspoon Baking Powder 1 Teaspoon Salt (Kosher Of Course) 1/2 Cup Cold (Holy) Water 16 Tablespoons Jam (Any Flavor) The Fisherman's Ring In a large bowl, cut flour and shortening
together with pastry blender or two butter knives, until
completely blended (mixture will resemble crumbs). Add sugar,
baking powder, salt, egg, vinegar and cold water. Mix with hands
until mixture forms a ball. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate
for 30 minutes. Divide dough into fourths, refrigerating the
portions you are not working with yet. Take first 1/4 of dough and roll out onto a
floured surface. Cut into rectangles using a sharp knife. It is
helpful to make a template the size you wish your poptarts to
be, from cardboard or heavy plastic, so they will be a uniform
size. Spread on tbsp. jam on one half of the rectangles, leaving
a half inch or so on the edges without jam. Cover with the other
half of the rectangles. Crimp edges with a fork. Bake at 350
degrees F. for 12 - 15 minutes or until the pie dough is evenly
browned and cooked through. Cool completely and place into zip
baggies for storage until you are ready to eat them. Repeat with
remaining dough and jam until it is all completed.
The skies opened up and upon the great rock were scribed the Ten Condiments. The
Lord seeing as how He lead his people from Egypt toward the promised land demanded only the best dressings upon his fatted calf.
"Moses," he said "bring unto my people the
yums-yums inscribed upon these tablets,
sacrifice those animals in my name and bake me a
cake as fast as you can." And So the
condiments came to be.
Curious Case of Benjamin Button
1/2 Cup of Mayo
1 Tablespoon Dijon Mustard
12 Slices of Whole wheat Bread
8 Lettuce Leaves (We think they get used)
8 Slices Of Deli American Cheese (Holla! or should we say CHALLAH!!!)
1/2 Pound Thin Sliced Ham
8 Slices Tomato
1/2 Pound Thinly Sliced Deli Turkey Breast
8 to 177 (Heart Association Recommends 8 or less) Slices of Bacon
Ingredients: